I started kickboxing training with my sister-in-law's trainer, Amber. She suggested that I journal after working out.
I'm not going to bother going back to my old format. I'm just doing it on here because I can update this from anywhere.
So, what do I feel after working out. Mostly glad it's over, and glad I did it. I've been walking a mile each evening from my house to the post office and back. Unfortunately, it's alongside the road, and it's through dirt and the sides of the road are angled down, so my left ankle aches after each walk because it's been tipped to the side. Probably not good for me, but I'm not interested in driving 20 miles to the nearest sidewalks just to take a walk.
I'm the kind of person that is glad to have done something, but usually hates every minute of doing it. Not just exercising either, pretty much everything I do: cleaning, making jewelry, cooking. The only things that I don't tend to hate while I'm doing them are reading, watching tv and having good conversations. I think I don't hate those things while I'm doing them because they distract me from thinking.
While I'm exercising, washing dishes, folding laundry, making jewelry or other crafts I have time to think about how much I hate myself and how little use I am in this world. I have a friend who smokes pot to avoid thinking. He says being stoned shuts down the self-loathing, nagging, depressed part of his brain. I haven't found it to work for me, but I guess I'm glad it works for him. Believe me, if I found something that could shut that part of my mind up, I'd definitely take it.
So, while I'm exercising I'm angry, frustrated, depressed and everything seems pointless, including the exercising I'm doing.
