I started kickboxing training with my sister-in-law's trainer, Amber. She suggested that I journal after working out.
I'm not going to bother going back to my old format. I'm just doing it on here because I can update this from anywhere.
So, what do I feel after working out. Mostly glad it's over, and glad I did it. I've been walking a mile each evening from my house to the post office and back. Unfortunately, it's alongside the road, and it's through dirt and the sides of the road are angled down, so my left ankle aches after each walk because it's been tipped to the side. Probably not good for me, but I'm not interested in driving 20 miles to the nearest sidewalks just to take a walk.
I'm the kind of person that is glad to have done something, but usually hates every minute of doing it. Not just exercising either, pretty much everything I do: cleaning, making jewelry, cooking. The only things that I don't tend to hate while I'm doing them are reading, watching tv and having good conversations. I think I don't hate those things while I'm doing them because they distract me from thinking.
While I'm exercising, washing dishes, folding laundry, making jewelry or other crafts I have time to think about how much I hate myself and how little use I am in this world. I have a friend who smokes pot to avoid thinking. He says being stoned shuts down the self-loathing, nagging, depressed part of his brain. I haven't found it to work for me, but I guess I'm glad it works for him. Believe me, if I found something that could shut that part of my mind up, I'd definitely take it.
So, while I'm exercising I'm angry, frustrated, depressed and everything seems pointless, including the exercising I'm doing.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Helping a search...
I'm helping a guy in jail try to get back in touch with an old girlfriend and the daughter he had with her.
Here's what my cousin wrote: "I was talking to a buddy of mine in here about my situation and he told me he is in a similar situation. His name is Robbie Petersen, he is trying to find his daughter Kendra. He had a relationship with her mother Robin Sutherland. Kendra would be 16 yrs old and Robin about 32-33. They moved to Kansas and that's the last he's heard of them."
I'm going to put these names as keywords, and hopefully if either of these women search for themselves, they'll find this page. To contact Robbie Petersen, write to him at this address:
Robert Petersen - 1396110
Powledge Unit
1400 FM 3452
Palestine TX 75803
Here's what my cousin wrote: "I was talking to a buddy of mine in here about my situation and he told me he is in a similar situation. His name is Robbie Petersen, he is trying to find his daughter Kendra. He had a relationship with her mother Robin Sutherland. Kendra would be 16 yrs old and Robin about 32-33. They moved to Kansas and that's the last he's heard of them."
I'm going to put these names as keywords, and hopefully if either of these women search for themselves, they'll find this page. To contact Robbie Petersen, write to him at this address:
Robert Petersen - 1396110
Powledge Unit
1400 FM 3452
Palestine TX 75803
Monday, January 4, 2010
Drifting.
Christmas really took it out of me.
This last week has been ok emotionally, but I was depressed enough I gave up on writing daily.
I did have a victory in finally getting my California plates! I was the happiest woman alive when I walked out of the DMV with my new plates. I had to get a new catalytic converter for my car (almost $900 with the cost of the cat and installation), get the car smog tested and pass ($40), and pay the registration fees and fines for being late in registering ($360). $1300 and 3 days later and I was legal! Finally!
So, my mood has improved, and I'm back "on the wagon" being healthy. I was thinking today, every tiny little bit makes a difference in losing weight. Even if I lose as little a couple pounds a month, I'm still losing. So, here's where I'm at:
Weight: 368.0
Mental Level: 8. Fairly positive, but easily distracted today, so not as productive as I would have liked.
Exercise Today: 35 minutes walking. Basically cancelled out the salad I had for lunch.
Food Intake Today: I've taken to drinking a large bottle of Bolthouse Farms protein drinks, the Vanilla Chai, and Mocha Cappuccino. It's 32 ounces, and because it's got 40g of protein, I'm completely full from 7:30am when I get to work to 12:30pm when I eat lunch. It requires no thinking, which is good for me, and is tasty and seems like a treat. I had a salad for lunch, and plan on having a salad for lunch the rest of this week as well, since I bought all the salad fixin's at the store after work.
Inspirational Quote of the Day:
"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one."
-Henry David Thoreau
I have a lot of dreams for the future, but none of them are going to come true as long as I weigh this much. It's time I hammer and forge myself into the woman I have always wanted to be.
This last week has been ok emotionally, but I was depressed enough I gave up on writing daily.
I did have a victory in finally getting my California plates! I was the happiest woman alive when I walked out of the DMV with my new plates. I had to get a new catalytic converter for my car (almost $900 with the cost of the cat and installation), get the car smog tested and pass ($40), and pay the registration fees and fines for being late in registering ($360). $1300 and 3 days later and I was legal! Finally!
So, my mood has improved, and I'm back "on the wagon" being healthy. I was thinking today, every tiny little bit makes a difference in losing weight. Even if I lose as little a couple pounds a month, I'm still losing. So, here's where I'm at:
Weight: 368.0
Mental Level: 8. Fairly positive, but easily distracted today, so not as productive as I would have liked.
Exercise Today: 35 minutes walking. Basically cancelled out the salad I had for lunch.
Food Intake Today: I've taken to drinking a large bottle of Bolthouse Farms protein drinks, the Vanilla Chai, and Mocha Cappuccino. It's 32 ounces, and because it's got 40g of protein, I'm completely full from 7:30am when I get to work to 12:30pm when I eat lunch. It requires no thinking, which is good for me, and is tasty and seems like a treat. I had a salad for lunch, and plan on having a salad for lunch the rest of this week as well, since I bought all the salad fixin's at the store after work.
Inspirational Quote of the Day:
"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one."
-Henry David Thoreau
I have a lot of dreams for the future, but none of them are going to come true as long as I weigh this much. It's time I hammer and forge myself into the woman I have always wanted to be.
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